This morning I was going to write about our upcoming cruise to the Bahamas. All the anxiety I feel about leaving Emily for the first time, how excited I am to spend time with Dave. But last night I watched an episode of Gray's Anatomy while I packed. It led to one of the most powerful prayer sessions I've ever had.
This episode was about a 6 year old little girl with Tay Sachs, a fatal, genetic disease with no cure and no treatment. It is not common, but fatal in early childhood. "Jessica's" Dad was so concerned with trying to book tickets to Mexico where there was supposed to be experimental treatments that he was absent most of the day. All the while the doctors were trying to tell him she would not make it through the night, let alone all the way to Mexico. "Jessica" kept asking for her Daddy as Dr. Bailey held her and rocked her to sleep. In the end "Jessica's" Dad crawled into bed next to her and held her as he told her how beautiful "Mexico" was and how she would be there soon. As I cried, I found myself on the floor with my face down in my mattress.
I know that it is just a show. But I couldn't help but think about all those other kids out there with incurable, terminal diseases. The thought of these babies and parents who live this story everyday brought me to my knees in the most powerful way. The way God can move us, emotionally and physically (to our knees) amazes me! I am currently in a Bible study on the book of Esther called "It's tough being a woman". Last week our study was about trusting God's time and His plan. That we are all part of something much larger than we can see. Women, especially moms tend to worry about everything! Fears real and imagined. We read that we are called to trust God, even when it seems impossible. To Trust Him not with a conditional trust, that he won't let bad stuff happen to you. A kind of trust that even when your worst fear is realized, you trust in Him. You trust that he will be there with you. Our workbook had a fill in the blank that said, "If______, then ______." The idea was that "If ANYTHING, then GOD!" Even when we are faced with our worst case scenario we trust Him. When we lose a loved one, or are betrayed by a spouse or family. After we cry all our tears and dig ourselves a whole to crawl into and just lay down and die, God will draw us near to Him and eventually, EVENTUALLY, pick us up and put us back on our feet. Not that the pain will ever go away, but at some point the peace of God will help us to carry the pain. He will walk with us.
Last night, face down in my mattress, I prayed for peace and comfort for the sick children in our world. I prayed for wisdom for their doctors, if they even have doctors. I prayed for their parents, that God may give them strength and a peace to know that their child is His child and he will bring them home. But most fervently, I thanked God for my recent time with Esther and my faith in Him. I thanked Him for the power of his word and allowing me to hear it. Because trusting in God when you are dealing with loss and pain is tough even for the strongest of believers. But experiencing pain and hurt while trying to accept the Lord's plan for the first time seems nearly impossible. I pray that believers and unbelievers alike will draw nearer to him and trust in Him. That we see bad things in this world and don't blame God, but trust that he can use even the worst situation for His good. And that we all remember that this world is not our final destination. We are not here for our pleasure, but only to glorify Him who created us. I pray that anyone who reads this finds peace and places their trust in the Lord. I would be completely devastated if anything happened to my sweet Emily. But I know that after my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces and I cried enough tears to flood the earth, that God would pick me up and put me back together. That's not to say that I don't pray each day for that cup to pass me and for Him to keep her safe. But there is peace in knowing that it is His will be done. He has a destiny for each of His children. We just need to TRUST in Him! May God bless you!
"Trust in the LORD forever, For in GOD the LORD, we have an everlasting Rock". - Isaiah 26:3-5
"but those who trust in the LORD will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:30-31