I was miserable. I tried to tell myself that it was good for Emily to interact with other kids at daycare. I tried to tell myself I would miss the adult conversation. The money was nice too. I had a whole list. It meant bupcis. I missed my girl! Dave suggested that I give it some time... some REAL time. Not 2 weeks. So I did. Eventually the sobbing turned into a dull ache. I DID enjoy the adult interaction. Emily DID enjoy the other kids at daycare. But I still missed my girl, more and more as she got older. Now she waves Bye-Bye to me in the mornings and it breaks my heart. When her daily reportcard from daycare said they were learning to walk with teachers help, that was the last straw.
So, after much deliberation, Dave and I have decided that I am going to stay home full time with Emily. I am SO excited to spend that time with her. I am excited to teach her things and watch her discover the world. I can't wait to take her to the park, and play-dates and to the zoo. I'm looking forward to being there when she takes her first steps. I am also excited for the freedom I will have to travel to visit family and friends without worrying about how many vacation days I have left. I can cook a dinner that takes longer than 15 minutes to prepare. My house might actually get cleaned and I will be smoking hot because I will actually have time to work out.
But I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared too. I know I am making the right decision, but I have never not worked in my adult life. Since I graduated college I have worked everyday. I am leaving the PERFECT career in an economic time when people are lucky to even have a job. I could not hand pick a better boss or better co-workers. They are such Godly men who care about my family and theirs and who have invested so much in me. I am invited to meetings way above my paid grade just so I can sit in and learn and hear about what is going on. I never have to work late. Not to mention, the benefits are amazing. That is why when I sat down in Tony's office yesterday my throat closed up and tears sprung into my eyes. It felt like breaking up with your best friend. Of course, he was so wonderful. He hugged me and told me he admired me and that he thinks I'm absolutely making the right decision. He said his wife felt the same way when she left her career to stay home with their kids. But that she will tell you it was the best decision she ever made, except of course for marrying him. Always the kidder.
So now the logistics of it all. Out of respect and admiration for my team I want to give them time to find, hire, and train a replacement. I work in an office with 2 other people so it's not the kind of place where I can just give a two week notice. We're estimating my last day to be somewhere around the end of August. Potentially I'll start part-time work in September if the transition takes longer. In 4-6 weeks my life will totally change. I am excited, nervous, happy, sad. Please pray that God will guide me through this transition in my life and I can find peace in my decision. And pray for Dave and the huge burden he has graciously accepted to make this possible. I love you baby!